Finding: Looking Back So You Can Move Forward

Step One in the Finding Freedom Framework

Step One in the Finding Freedom Framework

We all have moments when life feels off—too heavy, too hard, or too out of control. But we don’t always know why.

We’re busy. We’ve got things to do, people to care for, and goals to chase. It doesn't always occur to us to stop and look backward. After all, the past is the past, right?

But here’s what I’ve learned:While the past can’t be changed, it can still teach us.And sometimes, the key to moving forward is hidden in the very place we’ve tried to forget.

For me, the "finding" part of this journey—the first step in the Finding Freedom Framework—wasn't easy. I had spent so many years just doing life that I didn’t realize how much of my behavior was shaped by surviving it.

It wasn’t until I slowed down and began to reflect that I saw it:My need to be responsible for everything…My fear of letting go…My constant pressure to make everything “okay” for everyone around me…It didn’t come out of nowhere.

It came from a childhood where everything wasn’t okay.

When my father left, and my mother broke down emotionally, I was just a little girl—but I became the adult in the house. As the oldest, I felt the full weight of responsibility far beyond my years. Decisions, emotions, safety—a lot of it  fell on my tiny shoulders. And somewhere along the way, I developed the belief that love had to be earned through sacrifice and service.

That became my normal.

And like many of us, I thought those childhood struggles stayed in the past. But they didn’t.They followed me quietly into adulthood—into my marriage, my friendships, and especially into my role as the mother of adult children.

I had no blueprint for releasing control or trusting others to manage their own lives. It felt foreign and scary. If I didn’t handle everything, surely it would all fall apart… right?

But that fear didn’t come from God—it came from wounds.It came from a little girl who had to grow up too fast.

Finding that truth was painful, but freeing.

It took time. It took courage. And it took honesty.But it was worth it.

Because once I understood the why behind my behavior, I could stop blaming myself—or others—for my patterns. I could finally begin to heal with compassion, not shame.

Friend, if you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed, I invite you to take a breath and look back—not to stay there, but to learn. To find what shaped you so you can reshape what’s next.

The past may have formed you, but it does not have to define you.

And while finding the root is only the first step, it’s a powerful one.

I’ll be sharing the next step—what to do after you’ve found the source of your struggle—in my next post.

Until then, give yourself grace.

You’re not broken.

You’re becoming.

🕊️ It’s your time now.